it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
