dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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