somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
