Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex