I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.