if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.