you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.