I'm gonna have a badass scar
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.