I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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