what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else