Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.