I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.