I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
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I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp