You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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