Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize