Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
