Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
