I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
