There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think my vagina is haunted
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
