Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...

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(615): I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look... http://tfl.nu/yc9r

Replies (8) Good night (1194) Bad night (3074)
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(727): View more from Florida

Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

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(727): Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons... http://tfl.nu/8jcz

Replies (16) Good night (4731) Bad night (1087)
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(212): View more from New York

Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

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(212): Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right. http://tfl.nu/eck5

Replies (8) Good night (5505) Bad night (934)
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(858): View more from California

just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.

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(858): just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come. http://tfl.nu/jbn7

Replies (17) Good night (1186) Bad night (3388)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Barney's a jerk

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(781): I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments. (617): Barney's a jerk http://tfl.nu/dlz7

Replies (16) Good night (4903) Bad night (1028)
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(315): View more from New York

There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy

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(315): There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy http://tfl.nu/q2vq

Replies (6) Good night (2138) Bad night (3595)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

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(412): Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage, http://tfl.nu/ten2

Replies (15) Good night (4695) Bad night (1032)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

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(202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb

Replies (50) Good night (2548) Bad night (5625)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon

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(859): She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon http://tfl.nu/ch80

Replies (5) Good night (1697) Bad night (683)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?

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(203): If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/eshu

Replies (12) Good night (1092) Bad night (901)
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(432): View more from Texas

She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick

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(432): She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick http://tfl.nu/csbc

Replies (10) Good night (1253) Bad night (713)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.

(678): View more from Georgia

Yea. I'm excited about this party too

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(770): Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand. (678): Yea. I'm excited about this party too http://tfl.nu/ksx0

Replies (4) Good night (2062) Bad night (553)
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(719): View more from Colorado

No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories

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(719): No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories http://tfl.nu/o049

Replies (0) Good night (658) Bad night (839)
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(903): View more from Texas

Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??

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(903): Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate?? http://tfl.nu/wozc

Replies (6) Good night (826) Bad night (410)
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(716): View more from New York

Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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(716): Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/8ftw

Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (220)

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