I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book