i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.