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Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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