"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude