apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.