My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame