; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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