You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What a dumb baby whore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
