Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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