this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
