I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
