I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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