Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
