He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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