Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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