i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize