I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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