If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
