Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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