Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone came in the potted fern
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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