I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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