I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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