Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
