I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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