At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
