This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
