We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
