I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need to stop coming to work sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
