Screwed.edu
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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