toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
