Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The ass gains better be worth it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
