i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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