i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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