1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
