I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
