after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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