kristin has been a bad kristin
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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