we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
