the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize