i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dick very happy bro
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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