just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
