Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
