Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
