I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
