Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
