uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize