ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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