Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
