for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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