Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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