Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
