I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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