Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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