Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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