can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
